#after everything she’s been thru
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IN THE BACK OF MY MIND....HER LIPS.....ARE ALWAYS THERE
#self ship#selfship#spacie scribbles#anya mouthwashing#broooo i fucking cant#some of these doodles based off of fanfic i read#there was one where the reader was so nervous about everything and didnt wanna come onto the anya and meanwhile anya#was just like: thinks about gay sex thinks about gay sex thinks about gay sex#AND IT WAS REAAAAAAAAAL OBVIOUS ANYA WANTED REEADER#BUT LIKE READR WAS AS DENSE AS A BRICK#and also didnt wanna be disrespectful to anya ☝#i would feel bad lusting after ppl like reader you are soooo me#if someone wanted me as bad as anya did i wouldnt even fucking know. it would all go over my head.#reader finding out anya wants them carnally: :monnie_jawdrop_emote: WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING?!?!?!#reader: i cant lust after anya and think shes beautiful shes been thru so much..................#anya: i want yopu. .#oooh#im crazyyyy im insane#ok good night
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my high school’s theatre department is funded and supported by a professional local shakespeare festival and they win the state theatre competition so consistently that they’re only permitted to submit their plays for consideration there every two years to give other schools with fewer resources a shot and i guess what i’m saying is give chappell roan the goddamn grammy i promise taylor will survive
#tortured poets is simply not that good. sorry. and chappell deserves it after everything she’s been put thru this year#also would not be mad if charli got it. i’m just saying tortured poets was only album of the year to a very specific group of ppl yk.#i’m sure i will get hate for this so i will probs delete but ! i don’t hate taylor i just want to go like one day without hearing abt her yk#parker posts
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ireenaaaaaaa 😭😭😭😭😭
sorry for low quality, im using CSP demo so i cant export images i have to screenshot them lmfao. Also i think ive said this before but i genuinely dont know how ive gotten by using medibang for so long, CSP is SO much better for painting with.
#curse of strahd#my art#ireena kolyana#cos ireena#we totally failed her in our campaign i feel so bad for her 😭😭#she got nabbed after our first dinner w strahd#the dm told me like according to the book n everything we straight up lost#but wed only been playing a month or so and we had a lot more to get thru and we were having so much fun#we still areeee im so excited for our next inperson session next week
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My Name Is Kanaya Maryam
You Fucked My Wife
PREPARE TO DIE
#HAS THIS BEEN DONE ALREADY Idk I came into this uhh However-Many-Months Late and it was the 1st thing to come to mind...alongside...like...#I can't be the only one who thinks that . . . HS^2 treating everything as if the only way Jade can overcome her adverse experiences is by:#sabotaging close (sapphic) friends' relationship (on/around Lesbian Visibility Day 💀) thru lying about the child she neglected#after they were already born from a secret love affair ?????#Even taking the whole infidelity aspect out--which is complicated within itself--I'm SICK of this perpetuated idea of#~women's trauma and how it can only be bearable/managed/overcome through producing offspring~#Maybe stop assigning so much importance to the idea that women universally desire reproducing as a sole or major mental health crutch#and instead tell more stories about healing inner childhood wounds & breaking the cycle of abuse to avoid traumatizing future generations#Oh I Almost Forgot#*points to my post's text color mockingly* MOBILE USERRR#homestuck#homestuck 2#hs^2#upd8 h8#beyond canon critical#kanaya maryam#jade harley#rose lalonde
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9-1-1 au where karen gets to scream for a solid 30 seconds uninterrupted
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absolute kyle rayner but it’s him getting fridged from fighting major force & alex dewitt (his gf that got fridged) that becomes a green lantern instead
#absolute dc#dc#dc comics#kyle rayner#dc green lantern#green lantern corps#green lantern#alex dewitt#fridging#major force#i just think after the treatment alex got kyle should get fridged#yknow. for equality#for legal reasons this is joke#seriously speaking i would love to see more content of alex dewitt outside of her fridging bc she’s a truly fascinating character#she’s a photographer—an artist just like kyle but she’s a lot more responsible than him#& i imagine that would cause conflict vs kyle who initially acts more flighty#but also she cares about kyle just as much that she refused to give away his location and didn’t die w/o a fight#whereas most female fridged characters ends up dying w/o a fight#she had agency and it was stolen from her#how can the narrative gift her that back?#after everything she’s been thru?
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KARLACH BROKE UP WITH ME AT WYRM’S LOOKOUT!!!?!!!!!!!! I’m gonna cry for real in real life I’m real life upset
#after everything we’ve been thru. held me thru the night when I tried to kill her#she goes and breaks my heart#WHAT NOW?!???#bg3#fucking unbelievable
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yeah I'm not gonna talk abt it am I...
#well thats okay. eventually itll come up naturally. and if not well. it doesnt make me feel very okay. but its not a big deal#and i guess ill meet ppl in the future who will curate a different idea of me and maybe therell be fewer misunderstandings#<- coward who CAN communicate to save their life but not in any lower stakes situation for their happiness n quality of life#we <3 repression n insecurity. maybe if i keep digging at the corner of this bit of the labyrinth with my spoon ill get out someday 😌#anyway.. theres my daily vague vent post got it out of my system#wanted to do it earlier but ended up not having much time after work n then called friends which was nice :^)#also i never have signal at work these days.. my boss has said shell get me on the staff wifi tho cuz i do need it for work reasons#its rare to need it for work purposes bc we all use work pcs n stuff anyway and not rly supposed to use mobiles in the lab#but yeahh.. god i have so much admin shit to sort out also gotta text family back before i sleep i forgot to earlier#its all good.. also my memory foam pillows turned up so i no longer have to steal my roomies extra one for my neck pain <3#ik she was missing it... not to sound like a creep but it was nice that it smelled like her a little. just familiar innit#we're always around each other so its just what being home smells like to me.. listen i have a sensitive nose 😔✋️#if we were a lot closer i would ask if i could sleep in her bed while shes away but we're not so it would come across sooo weird..#and i would feel rly weird abt someone sleeping in my own room without me there. well maybe not actually. as long as they werent snooping#<- guy whose mother used to go thru their shit all the time n struggles to not feel paranoid and distrustful when it comes to privacy#was thinking recently my ideal living situation w a partner would be separate rooms but we still share the bed sometimes#but not every night bc im a sensitive sleeper... but we can switch bedding so i can still smell them if i wake up in the night alone#like how new mothers trying to get babies used to cot sleeping each have a cloth or blanket and swap every night#so the baby is comforted by the blankets smell and sleeps more peacefully.. and momma finds it easier being apart from the baby too#sorry this is getting gooey and weird my meds have been wearing off the last couple hours im so sleeppyyyy 😭#well.... maybe everything can wait until tomorrow..... bed is calling..#goodnight everyone muah#.diaries
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Feel free to skip on past this, I’ve just gotta ramble for a minute bc i cant stop thinking about this kid from work last week. They were so much like me at that age (5-6th grade) that I didn’t know how to interact with them? I didn’t know what to say to them bc I don’t know what I needed to hear back then, what I would’ve WANTED to hear? What would I have even listened to? They were almost entirely silent and looked out at the world with a hesitant curiosity, but would pull back so fast as soon as you tried to interact w them. Little to no eye contact, face hidden in hair, always looking down, following others until they could strike off on their own and just quietly explore. Intently focusing on drawing any chance they got. We did an art project and they hunched over their piece the entire time and wouldn’t let any of us see it in progress, refusing to look up or acknowledge us if we asked to see it or to know what it was. Idk. I barely interacted w them while they were with us for those few days bc I didn’t know how? It almost hurt to try? It was like looking back into a time machine and i didn’t know how to tell them that it does get better,,, I still don’t even know if where I am is better, some days feel so unsure that I don’t think I’ve made any progress at all. But seeing that kid, idk. I’ve come pretty far. And it DOES get better. Maybe it’s not the best now, or even that great at all, but it’s better. I wish I could’ve told them but I don’t think they’d have wanted to hear it anyway
#im a rambling sam#I’m in a weird place again since getting here for this season of work#idk maybe I’ve been in a weird place all year probably#I don’t think I’m that far from where I was at that age but I know I am there’s just still so much further to go#one day I think it’ll feel easier but maybe not today#I do love working w kids but I’m considering going into horticulture instead of outdoor education bc I don’t know if I can handle this#I can#but god I don’t know#in my heart I’m still that exact kid and she’s still in there so damn anxious and unsure and needing to observe the world and everyone in it#just to get some sense of understanding of just what the fuck is going on around here#but by the time I’ve gotten a good handle on what is going on everything is already so set in place and my place is outside the system and I#I don’t know how to step into it#sorry sorry I’m still rambling I’m having a weird day I probably just haven’t eaten nearly enough in the last few days and I’m about to#start teaching on my own this week which is terrifying and I can’t stop thinking abt that damn kid I wish they stayed longer I think#we probably would’ve gotten along#but groups only come here for a couple days and then go home which is v weird after having the same kids for 3 weeks for summer camp#idk life gets better and it gets worse and sometimes u grow into the world a little more but there’s still a mute child in your ribcage#little hands pressed up against ur ribs like laying a palm against a bus window#I put my hand over my sternum as if we could press our hands together thru time#when I was that age I used to pretend to have someone around me like an imaginary friend but usually it was a book character that I liked#and I’d talk to myself in my head like having a conversation and giving myself motivation and assurances from someone else to me#and now I’m here and I still talk to myself like that but without the imagined friend as a buffer I just talk to myself in my head#now I’m the imaginary friend for the little Sam that lives in my chest#when I talk to myself I’m talking to her#I’m giving her the assurance she needed back then#the assurance I still need now#I am here for her so I am here for myself#this is getting poetically nonsensical maybe it’s time for bed
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there's a ffic in my head. oouuuag. its Cookin
#domestic little character study of The Bg3 Gang after the everything. in this specific playthrough#tav. grieving karlach and also devastated that astarion can't be out in the sun anymore#more than anything i love Aftermath fics. like who are you once the danger passes#the good and bad things that happen to people when they're no longer constantly in survival mode#it takes a lot longer to actually feel safe. and tavelle has been spearheading this group and still feels so responsible for them#takes her a long time to adjust to not being able to have tabs on anyone and she is SO fucked up about karlach#who tf is astarion when he's de-tadpoled and still spawn. he got to be out in th e sun but not anymore. that's sooo sad#tav can and will trawl thru every enchanter store on the planet until she finds someone who can make like a#sunlight protected item for him#very important for this fic that a) astarion doesn't know that that's what she's up to and#b) is worried about her bc she is clearly up to something and it's also like. visibly upsetting her and#c) when she does finally come up with something she crashes into the room to the degree that he thinks she's being chased or some shit#also this tav is 100% not going to stop adventuring for better or for worse. by adventuring i mean. mercenary work#she's throwing herself into fights still. bc she doesn't know what to do with herself And Specifically to rack up enough money to get#that sun shield thing for astarion#and he will have Words for her abt that#also have an extremely silly idea about the enchanter. very obvious silly idea abt who it is. im gonna name him.. tumas pol
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🦋
#so i got a message from my sister telling me something rather tragic had happened in our family#on my mom's side. one of my aunties passed away&my little sister let me know.#she also let me know that my mother is taking it really hard&shed probably really like to hear from me.#&its weird bc any sadness i felt about my aunty dying almost completely evaporated upon it becoming a way to guilt me#into talking to my mother-- like i was not almost dead for a long LONG time&she was actively disowning me bc i wasnt sick the right way#after a lifetime of refusing to believe i was sick AT ALL which directly lead to developing cancer she screamed at me in public#that i was lying about before pretending to drive off a cliff&then refusing to pick up her phone until she called me an hour later#after i had been calling not just her but anyone in our family who could possibly check on her to tell me that i never loved her#&i wouldnt have cared if she died&it would have been my fault.#so like. i dont really give a fuck if shes taking a death in the family poorly? like i dont actually fucking care that this-- like literally#everything else-- needs to center my mother's bad feelings. i just fucking dont lmao.#&im really fucking pissed off that i now have to feel like shit bc i dont feel like i properly feel bad#about my family member dying bc IT BECAME ALL ABOUT MY MOTHER IMMEDIATELY.#i do not fucking UNDERSTAND.#i cannot even put into words how this all makes me feel lmao. why. literally fucking why.#the cherry on top? my aunty died of gastric issues. you know. the family curse that i def didnt get so i got to work thru it all#while being called a liar. you know the type of illness that almost killed ME. that might STILL kill me.#but yeah my mom is sad so i should call&make sure to hold her hand like i always fucking did lets just forget an entire lifetime#&esp the last five years thatll be totally cool.#a tragedy happened in the family so fuck all MY tragedies actually i guess.
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ummmmm my mom is looking to change broadbands bc the one we’re on rn is crazy expensive and doesn’t do what it’s supposed to do so i suggested a different one that isn’t just cheaper but includes more tv channels so she doesn’t have to pay other subscriptions and she hit me with the ‘if i get that one you can never leave the house though you have to stay home forever teehee!!’ and then after i freaked about it she was like ‘it was only a joke!!!’ like ……. 😐😐😐😐
#girl…. it’s Not a joke. she’s been controlling me a crazy amount my entire life and I only started to notice it since I had to move back#after I got my first degree. being away from home and having other experiences really opened my eyes lmao#I love my mom how everyone loves their parents and I’m grateful for everything she’s ever done for me but….. I’m not about to be#her perfect little pawn or doll or whatever for her to take out all her anger and frustrations on all the time#or to take care of her like she’s a kid. I didn’t ask for any of this. I want to leave and have my own life#but like yeah this was. really fucking crazy it messed up my brain now and made me real paranoid and shit#even if it was a joke you don’t make that kinda joke to a 26 year old whose bedroom bin you look thru lmao#mrow.org
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Who was gonna tell me that reading is fun sometimes
#I will bring shame to my eight year old self NO MORE!!!! I LIKE READING AGAIN!! YIPPEE!!!#I think I seriously enjoy reading about the brain and body and trauma like it’s so strange to spend two hours laying in bed with a book but#it’s so nice#I really enjoyed science growing up even into high school I just didn’t have the patience or motivation to finish essays#and my freshman year science teacher got fired halfway thru the year after they found out she didn’t have a teaching license and then my#class got split up into an advanced science teachers class who was way ahead of everything we had learned and then I hated the class and#science in general then in sophomore year I had another shitty teacher who didn’t care about teaching and I literally would find recourses#and send them to the teacher to put on the projector and then I would talk thru the resource that’s fucking real I literally had class#periods where I TAUGHT my sophomore year science class. GAHHHH I still get so bad at that fucking teacher I don’t even remember her name but#she pissed me off so bad cause she paired me with the two guys who always made fun of me just bc I was smart and they were annoying. anyways#depression and adhd and boredom happened and I almost failed that class but still passed in the end and then in junior year during covid#I was taking a biology class and an anatomy class that was supposed to be seniors (seniors did the advanced class and they offered regular#class to select juniors) and I ended up being the ONLY junior who wasn’t doing the advanced course. like. everyone else got assignments and#I had to ask hey what’s the easy version of that assignment cause I’m technically in the easy class even tho we’re in the same class period#and then Covid and I stopped caring at all about anhthing and then dropped out of school and moved down the entire coast so yknow.#I never stood a chance at being good at science but I’m realizing I might actually be passionate about it cause I have been since I was#little I just kind of ignored it and forgot but like. for one birthday I got a telescope and for one Christmas I got a microscope. like it’s#well known to everyone but me that I like science apparently oh my god what’s wrong with my brain !!!! anyways.#I like science now it’s weird to feel passionate about learning I haven’t done that in a long time#oh my god when I took my GED test my highest score was in SCIENCE AND NOT ENGLISH#THIS IS ALL SO OBVIOUS I LOVE SCIENCE WHY AM I NOT DOING SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE RELATED TO SCIENCE
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·˚ WHICH RAGE LANGUAGE ARE YOU? — taken by stelle.
STEP BACK. usually, you're able to bottle up your emotions and ignore the frustrations. but, after weeks of shoving everything down, your body needs a release, and i pity the poor person who managed to piss you off. it's screaming crying, shouting, kicking lockers, whatever you can do to get it out of your system. it's a whole jean grey moment, fire and fury blasting out of you.
TAGGED BY: @zajevre <333
#BIO: STELLE.#this is absurdly accurate to how i imagine her emotions boiling up#like i imagine she loses her shit after the k.afka interrogation at the minimum and just kinda starts tearing thru shit because its the#closest she's gotten to SOME kind of closure on whats going on with her and everything#and it ended abruptly AND she couldnt catch her before she left#and assuming that htis has been at least a few months of built up frustrations n shit im like idk.#+ she was literally representing the element of fire at this point?#my point on this ramble is like yeah.#accurate result ! <3#note: i did not bother tagging bc everyone i woulda tagged is tagged already#if u see it do it
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HI. HELLO. I LOVE YOUR NEW OC. TELL ME MORE ABOUT HER PLEASE <- chin on my hands + listening intently
HIIIII <33
this is maisie "may" tsui :> she used to be a magical girl in a group called Team Caffeine but after that ended really really horribly, she mostly stopped using magic and has settled down in a local museum. she helps give tours in the magical girl wing specifically- she'd do anything else that Wouldnt remind her of her trauma, but she's knowledgable on the topic and it pays the bills so. you know
also a picture of her in the aftermath of a massive fight may or may not have gone viral online. and if it did (which it totally didnt) she 100% does not hate it at all and resent that she's become the face of a tragedy
#I LOVE HER#theres more lore but. that lore comes with zoes character :)#shes a little mean and easily distracted but after everything shes been thru? she deserves it.#may tsui#silvercatocs#DIGITAL#SCRATCH#LOVE U BTW THANK U FOR ASKING <333#ask#theo
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ignore this i just wanna ramble in the tags for a sec i’ll probably delete it in a bit 🤪
#did an escape room with the fam on my sister’s birthday two days ago and my brother made me feel stupid the entire time#wouldn’t listen to me wouldn’t share or let me help and then act like i wasn’t helping (??? let me then)#and because he’s Loud my whole family was following his lead and ignoring me#but in the end i was the reason we won bc i was the only one who immediately understood the word riddles AND the one who wrote down#all the numbers he said we wouldn’t need. i was the only one who could connect the past information with the current problem#the only one who listened fully to the cd and decided to write down the locations without it being relevant yet#the only one who thought the tiny details might be relevant and the only one who automatically fixed his mistakes bc i noticed a pattern#and in the end still got no credit for anything (except from my mom) even tho if they had listened to me from the beginning they would’ve#been less stressed and finished sooner#then at the restaurant he didn’t listen to me again and we ordered too much even tho i told him we wouldn’t need it#THEN after dinner my grandma started texting me all frustrated telling me i need to keep my aunt updated on what’s happening thru the day#so she doesn’t feel left out. bc she’s having a rough time lately. bc it’s my job to make everyone feel better#FIRST of all this woman ignored me for years when her ex husband decided i wasn’t worth it#and now suddenly it’s my job to keep u informed on my every move so u don’t feel left out?? text me urself. ask what i’m doing.#ask HOW i’m doing??? do u even care beyond a ‘what colour is your sturdiness today namaste’#every time my aunt complains about the tiniest thing and starts crying about it it my grandma blames everyone else#no one even knows or cares if i’m having a rough time#she came to ‘help’ when my mom was sick and i did everything for her instead. and then she threw a fit when i wouldn’t eat her salad#when i was too exhausted from staying up all night with my mother to go on a run with her the next day#my mom finally got mad at her for implying i’m lazy all the time and told her i’m ‘neurodiverse’ and do things my own way and she didn’t#even know what that meant so my mom was like ‘on the spectrum ‘ and my aunt just got mad that she had never told her#would it have made a difference at all? would u have expected different from me?#meanwhile i’ve done so much for my cousin… including taking care of luca the entire time she stayed with us. i had him all the time#i didn’t mind. i love that kid more than anything. but everyone expects everything from me like it’s just a given#i talked her through every problem every breakdown walked on eggshells to keep her happy and then what does she do when she leaves?#ignores me. doesn’t come back when she said she would. complains that i don’t include her in things#bc sometimes i have quiet conversations with my sister so i don’t bother everyone#and then gg wants to know why i won’t come see her? why i won’t drop everything to fly there? my aunt wants to know why i don’t call?#because despite loving me u have made me feel inadequate my whole life. some of u more than others#and i’m tired. and it’s time for me to Be me For me without justifying it to everyone else.
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